My ref:


Cambridgeshire County Council

Box ET 1016
Shire Hall


Your Ref:


9 Dec 2002

Please ask for:

Andrew Wallace

Direct Dial No:

O1223 717751

Fax No:

O1223 718538


Rosemary A R Hunt
Foreign Secretary
The Pembroke College Winnie-the-Pooh Society
Jesus College

Dear Rosemary,

Little Green (and Red) Men

Thank you for your letter of 29th November on behalf of the Winnie-the-Pooh Society. I, on behalf of the Líttle Green and Red Men, appreciate your concern regarding these long standing and walking servants of the public. Please be assured that both your and their safety is uppermost in the minds of us traffic light men.

My name is Andrew Wallace and as the name suggests, am from north of the border. I am Captain of the Traffic Light Men. Little known to many people, I arrange for truckloads of my smaller unemployed countrymen to be illegaIly shipped south of the border in container lorries to this green and pleasant land for a better life. They are surreptiously slipped into the tiaffic signals with an endless supply of haggis, tatties and neeps.

Cambridge is as you know, an area of high tech and we in the traffic light department are on the cutting edge. There is in fact only one man per traffic sìgnal light and he is teleported from the top to the bottom thereby incurring no risks as this is a highly reliable method of transportation. This teleportation system is based at Shire Hall and comes under my control - hence the well known call from the Green Men to "Beam me up Scottie' and the lesser known one from the Red Men "Beam me down Scottie"

As part of this process his suit is changed to the appropriate colour. He always has a friend across the road connected by a wire so that they can communicate and do not get lonely. We also arrange for periodic visits to see that they are happy and well fed and have a body of men to respond to any personal or technical failures.

These men (unfortunately this is an area where equal opportunities has not yet reached!) like myself and my colleagues do not seek recognition or accolades from the public for the sterling work we do but prefer to hide our 'lights' under bushels and be happy that we are serving the public to the best of our ability.

Yours sincerely

Andrew Wallace
Captain - Traffic Light Men
Director of Environment & Transport. Brian Smith

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