Minutes of the Elevenses Meeting of the Pembroke College Winnie-the-Pooh Society, held on 31st October (Hallowe’en), 1998, in room R4, Pembroke College.

Minute writer Ben’s note- I don’t know what I was meant to do with them, but Granny shoved the nearly illegible notes for the minutes in my pigeon hole, then disappeared off. Which is most unfair, as it always ends up being me that has to do everything. I’m just one of those people that gets used. Sob.. So don’t expect these minutes to be of any quality or relevance or comedy value at all. Oh no.

1. We open the meeting. For the first time in a long long time, the Pembroke College W-t-PS has no delegation from Homerton. We hope this is a temporary oversight…
   


2. We vote to censure David Henderson for not appearing in the minutes enough. Oh look, there he is!
   


3. We vote to allow the visitors to vote for the duration of the meeting. Whoops. I forgot to tell you who was there. Told you these were going to be poor quality.
   

Present: Granny, Anfoni, Kirsten, Jon, Anna, Jeremy, James, Gabriel, Jenny 1, Jenny 2, Belinda, Martin, Thomas, Ben, Richard and Neil, and somebody who’s initials are MPA That’s bloody Granny’s fault. Hope he’s enjoying himself, wherever he is. Hmpph.

4. Vicky has apologised, apparently not for being in Spain but for being in Whitby. It might as well be Spain though.
   


1. We love Granny. F:9 A:2 Abs:4. It’s official, and let it henceforth be written that we love Granny. Notice how he makes that minute easy to read. I for one certainly don’t at the moment. I mean, I’ve got work to do…..
   


5. Lord Sainsbury apparently died a week after Richard’s complaint to him about the appalling lack of service in Sainsbury’s. Hmmm- perhaps we could get Richard to complain about Granny’s lack of minuting…..
   


6. Jon’s letter to Mad Mrs Barbour is read out, and generally agreed to be just the right tone of letter to send to a mad old biddy.
   


7. We vote to give Jon a stamp, and after a long debate over whether it should be of a first or of a second class nature, we decide it should be second. Mad Mrs Babour just isn’t worth the extra sixpence.
   


8. We ponder on why Jon has so many bookmarks. The answer according to these rough-hewn notes is that he is an albatross.
   


9. Ben says that he used to collect badges. That’s badges, not badgers. I mean, honestly.
   


10. Sephirotic tenses are discussed, or so it seems. I hope I don’t meet one of them on a dark night.
    


11. We are appalled at the lack of result on the game of Overland Poohsticks, and Anfoni proposes a vote to censure Belinda, the Deputy Captain of Poohsticks, who organdised it. F:2 A: Lots A: 3. Failed.
    


12. We vote to censure Anfoni, who is Captain of Poohsticks and therefore ultimately responsible, for trying to censure Belinda. Passed by miles.
    


13. For some reason, there is a debate on the value of e, the mathematical constant, not the drug, which is quite valuable, I’d imagine. Just for the sake of argument, it’s
    
    2.718281828459045235360287471352662497757247093699959574966967627724076630353547594571382178525166427427466391932003059921817413596629043572900334295260595630738132328627943490763233829880753195251019011573834187930702154089149934884167509244761460668082264800168477411853742345442437107539077744992069551702761838606261331384583000752044933826560297606737113200709328709127443747047230696977209310141692836819025515108657463772111252389784425056953696770785449969967946864454905987931636889230098793127736178215424999229576351482208269895193668033182528869398496465105820939239829488793320362509443117301238197068416140397019837679320683282376464804295311802328782509819455815301756717361332069811250996181881593041690351598888519345807273866738589422879228499892086805825749279610484198444363463244968487560233624827041978623209002160990235304369941849146314093431738143640546253152096183690888707016768396424378140592714563549061303107208510383750510115747704171898610687396965521267154688957035035402123407849819334321068170121005627880235193033224745015853904730419957777093503660416997329725088687696640355570716226844716256079882651787134195124665201030592123667719432527867539855894489697096409754591856956380236370162112047742722836489613422516445078182442352948636372141740238893441247963574370263755294448337998016125492278509257782562092622648326277933386566481627725164019105900491644998289315056604725802778631864155195653244258698294695930801915298721172556347546396447910145904090586298496791287406870504895858671747985466775757320568128845920541334053922000113786300945560688166740016984205580403363795376452030402432256613527836951177883863874439662532249850654995886234281899707733276171783928034946501434558897071942586398772754710962953741521115136835062752602326484728703920764310059584116612054529703023647254929666938115137322753645098889031360205724817658511806303644281231496550704751025446501172721155519486685080036853228183152196003735625279449515828418829478761085263981395599006737648292244375287184624578036192981971399147564488262603903381441823
    


14. Ben is “the love of Kirsten’s life and the reason for her existence”. Hey, writing the minutes isn’t that bad. That was even true!
    


15. Vote that Ben is attractive. After careful scrutiny by the society, the motion is passed, and Ben is attractive. Fantastic. That one’s true, but would never have got into the minutes if Granny had been typing it.
    


16. Bestiality? Motion failed. That’s all it says. I Have as much clue as you do.
    


17. The society, using their immense knowledge, vote that Gabriel did in fact play Prince Charming in a play when he was ickle.
    


18. The reading is “In which Piglet does a very Grand Thing”.
    


19. Ben tries to use the reading to defend himself against claims that he owns a book with Bestiality in it Ahh, I see what the earlier minute was about now , but is just censured for interrupting the works of AA Milne, and rightly so. Could I just say here that it’s really not my book, I just borrowed it, and if it does contain as much filth as rumoured, I’ll be returning it straight away.
    


20. Granny is censured. I forget why Serves the ******* right.
    


21. We hear knocking without the door oo-errr as the reading concludes with the usual “Gratias Agimus AA Milne”
    


22. And I quote - I wouldn’t spit an hour in bed and learnt Mor. Told you it was difficult to read.
    


23. Codes more notation Owen squares
    


24. We vote to say “Arr” at Ben and Jennifer.
    


25. We (except Ben and Jennifer) say “Arrr” at Ben and Jennifer Gits.
    


26. We hear that JSS is called Jennifer occasionally. 0898 CALL JEZ ?
    


27. The next meeting will take place in Gabriel’s room, F5.
    


28. We pass a vote to close.
    

Oh, bloody hell, it’s four O’clock, and I should be with you lot. Where’s that damn printer……

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