The Minutes of the Ninth and a Halfth Anniversary Meeting of the Pembroke College Winnie-the-Pooh Society and Feast of the Aforementioned Esteemed Body, as was held on the 1st of January, 2003 CE

Present: Ben, Granny, Anthony, Alison, John-h, Ben, Granny, Anthony, Alison, Ecstatic, Huw, Alex, Claire, Angela, Cecilia, Sarah, James, Paul, Kate, Sam, Ian, Rosy, Roz, Richard, Rachel, Rosie, Owen, Jonathan, Rob, Neil, Jack, Jeremy, Jenny, Naath, Dunstan, Imogen, Jane, Andrew, Helen, Martin, Neil, Clive, and anyone else I have temporarily missed off.

Apologies: Lady Foundress (holding the baby but arriving later on), Adam (he's ill, poor bear) and Rachel (dancing wildly).

Minuter: Roz and lots of other people, none of whom I can identify from their handwriting apart from John-h as he always writes about himself.

  1. Visitors can vote: Passed.

  2. Every single person at the dinner and visitors can propose and second motions (just as well we fortunately forgot to tell the silver serving people this otherwise I wouldn't have had time to eat my meal).

  3. We should postpone the overly long and dull minutes from last week and read Owen's marvellous minute medley instead: Passed, invoking clause 55.

  4. Hello, my name is <insert name here> and I'm a member of Poohsoc.

  5. Naath should be Neil: CR decides against, having consulted at length with Naath.

  6. We have a profusion of Neils. If Naath had been redesignated we could have said that we had a plethora of Neils. But she wasn't, so we can't.

  7. Roz has been stranded in Peterborough and alas won't get here until tomorrow. In time for the Poohsticks tournament, so that's okay.

  8. Neil has performed our first stroke of idiocy of the evening. As we, the committee, are the stewards and are likely to be in severe trouble if anyone performs such idiotic strokes we hope he disciplines himself so he doesn't do it again.

  9. Neil feels stupid: Passed (in spite of the fact Stupid is clearly not on the present list)

  10. We are all glad Neil is not invading Martin (especially Martin, here speaks the voice of experience): Passed

  11. A novel interpretation of the constitution has occurred. Dunstan should be commended: Passed. But we still want to know what he did with the rest of the milk.

  12. Roz has to calm down: Passed

  13. Rosy keeps her sugar in that well known container, the "oh I'll go and find it"

  14. Neil feels he's about to be nominated: failed

  15. We should throw Neil out of the window: failed

  16. Martin is jealous of Roz. "Of course he is" Ben.

  17. We all have to collect our seating plans from just south of the UL.

  18. Rosy apologises for next week. We hope this isn't a bad omen for us all.

  19. Neil attempts to converge a cup of tea towards Roz so it never reaches her ever ever ever. He instead succeeds in spilling tea on the carpet.

  20. Rosie walked along an isthmus.

  21. Neil apparently set up a beartrap outside his room to kill people trying to snowball him. Although that might have been a mishearing over a crowded room with many people chattering.

  22. Andrew has brought a carnival with him. In a big yellow carrier bag.

  23. Dunstan thinks Roz is tedious. But he does make a damn fine honey and condensed milk sandwich.

  24. Dunstan (of Homerton college) is a small frog duck who will be living in halls next year We can barely believe it. Rosie still thinks Dunstan is a small upstairs window (in a strange abstract arty thespy kind of way).

  25. Alison draws us all into a discussion on how we can influence Martin.

  26. We shouldn't censure Neil at this point in time: Passed Committee veto

  27. Naath should be censured for creeping up on Neil: Passed

  28. Neil should be censured for spilling Naath's tea: Failed

  29. Neil should be censured for attempting (and, incidentally succeeding) to censure Naath: Hung, CR decides for.

  30. We have a jolly little conversation about famous cows. Ecstatic moos appreciatively, but very quietly so no one can hear him.

  31. John-h is commended for his piglet cufflinks: Passed.

  32. John-h is commended for his piglet cufflinks: Passed.

  33. Ben commended for his waistcoat crafted from Poohbears: Passed

  34. Kanga's two children meet at last. What a wonderful reunion. If only their other mother was here as well!

  35. Minutes no. 4 (Hello, my name is <insert name here%gt; and I'm a member of Poohsoc) as a motion: Passed

  36. We all enact motion 34 (Minutes no. 4 (Hello, my name is <insert name here> and I'm a member of Poohsoc) as a motion: Passed).

  37. Richard came to the Pooh Society Garden Party in 1995 and has been coming ever since.

  38. We should rename John-h, John with a silent Planck's constant: Hung, CR decides for
  39. .
  40. We should get on with it: Passed (exactly what "it" was cannot be recorded for reasons of the minuter having not written an explanation and hence will have to be lost in the mists of time)

  41. Jonathon should be made to clean the toilets: Failed. But which toilets should he be made to clean? (ignoring the fact that that motion wasn't passed, the ones of our turkey-led JCR seems the most suitable)

  42. Granny prefers Rupert to Winnie-the-Pooh nowadays. We are mildly disturbed, but this is Granny after all.

  43. Censure the spelling of the word "centre" when it is spelt "center" :Passed

  44. We can censure Martin: Passed

  45. We should censure Martin: Failed

  46. Actually, the D9000 is called a Royal Scots Grey.

  47. We should stamp on the phone until it stops: Failed, but largely because it stopped by itself to avoid being stamped on.

  48. Dave Henderson is mentioned briefly.

  49. The Dean isn't the Dean. Maybe he's not the Chaplain instead.

  50. Andrew wants to give Ben a firm whack over.

  51. Anthony will donate a Russian to the society for the coastguard to keep with the library.

  52. They should sit in the middle so we can watch their every move: Passed. They have already sat down. In the middle. Exhibitionists.

  53. Reading: In which Christopher Robin leads an Expotition to the North Pole.

  54. What is Planck's Constant? He is now called John - 6.63 x 10-34 Js.

  55. Motion to censure Owen a silly number of times, as many as he deserves, but it'll be hard to get it into the minutes as his girlfriend is minuting: Passed

  56. If anyone puts Neil into the Cam in order to make him lie face down in it and shout "I'm okay", then they are to be tied up and thrown in (something) and if they sink we'll let them off, but if they float we'll burn them as a witch: Passed, Committee veto

  57. We are photographed. The Lady Foundress makes a grand entrance and the camera man mutters to himself in the absence of anyone sensible to talk to.

  58. The phoenix duck is the best. On the ceiling of the Old Library, that is. Whilst we are all distracted, gazing at the ceiling, Rosie tries to steal a knife in a fit of nostalgia. Stealing the ceiling whilst making us look at a knife would be more impressive.

  59. "I think there's something going on here!" Neil (whilst moving closer to Rachel), "We think so too, Neil", reply all in the vicinity.

  60. John - 6.63 x 10-34 Js says the word "vicinity" again.

  61. Owen hypnotises Martin with a candle. He doesn't jump off a cliff when instructed to, but due to the lack of cliffs around Cambridge not because he doesn't obey every word Owen, his master, utters
  62. .
  63. "I don't like the trains between London and Cambridge" Claire. "It's not as bad as travelling between Gdansk and Krakow sat on the loo" Granny. "Was that for your job?" Claire. "No, for pleasure" Granny.

  64. Votes to mandate Rosy to tick Neil off: Passed

  65. Votes to commend Rosy for ticking Neil Off: Passed

  66. Ben missed the port and crawls around on the floor, moaning, with a distraught expression on his face.

  67. Rosy decides it's the moment to knock over her glass and prove she's plastered.

  68. The Loyal Toast and several toasts to random Royal Family members whether in pieces or not.

  69. The Lady Foundress gives a wry, informative and inspiring speech which we sadly have no record of.

  70. The minutes are at her majesty's pleasure.

  71. Pembroke College vs. The University, Pembroke college takes an easy victory.

  72. Neil is a moneygrabber. He has spent the entire evening persuading people to give him money (a pound each, that he will later take to the bank to change it for pennies) so eventually he can make a big pile of money in his bedroom and dive in to it cackling with mirth.

  73. A vote of thanks to Owen, to everyone and to the college is proposed: Passed (For: Most People, Against: Ben and Owen, Abstentions: Various Jameses)

  74. Owen thanks some bears for eating his pears.

  75. We want to put the split infinitive back in the constitution at the AGM. This brave move should be dedicated to Jon Jarrett who made it possible for us to do this by removing it in the first place.

  76. Roz to Owen, "You look like a cartoon, maybe one of the Bash Street Kids".

  77. Rachel takes offence at Granny. Everyone has to as sometime in their life.

  78. John - 6.63 x 10-34 Js hair is very reassuring.

  79. A competition! Who's hair is this?!?! Roz disappoints by getting them all right. She's obviously felt their hair many times before.

  80. "Penguins with yellow eyebrows" Like on Owen's cufflinks. No it's not a wig.

  81. It is nice to meet Martin at last. We have heard so many stories about him, it is jolly nice to finally meet him. At last.

  82. We must send Solon the Wise a copy of the exam on the constitution. He will help us mark all answers put forward. Incidentally the man who wrote our constitution now helps write the British one. Now that's a reassuring thought.

  83. "Let's talk about Winnie-the-Pooh", John - 6.63 x 10-34 Js, "No, I think I've had enough Pooh this evening" Roz.

  84. Votes to censure Roz for the aforementioned comment: Passed

  85. Dunstan makes us laugh. Real chemistry going on there. Um... between Dunstan, and all the rest of us.

  86. We should do this again next year: Passed (unanimous)

  87. If you write with the wrong end of the pen it doesn't work: Passed

  88. Neil is less uptight nowadays in spite of having the same haircut.

  89. John - 6.63 x 10-34 Js is officially groovy and so is his hair.

  90. Why have Roz and John - 6.63 x 10-34 Js gone behind the screens together?

  91. Martin isn't very good at blowing.

  92. "Neil is more attractive than Alison", Ben

  93. The Original James is a Legend. We are unsure whether he should still be alive in that case.

  94. Dunstan would like to see more women breast-feeding during meetings because he finds he often gets peckish.

  95. John - 6.63 x 10-34 Js looks forwards to the tussle.

  96. John - 6.63 x 10-34 Js is in charge of the minutes for no apparent reason and he always minutizes randomly.

  97. "The hair at the back of Martin's head always points in the opposite direction to the rest." Alison who has been watching Martin whenever she can.

  98. We only ever cut off non-member's feet: Passed

  99. Rosy (or Rosie as John - 6.63 x 10-34 Js doesn't know the difference) dreams of sugar plums and fairies.

  100. "Raaaaa!" says Neil, highlighting his virility

  101. Free range eggs are stripy due to the variety of foods in the hen's diet. For example a hen chiefly subsisting on bilberries and caterpillars will produce rather attractive lime green and purple striped yolks.

  102. "Oh, Wow! Multiple layers!" Neil

  103. "It certainly tickled my tickly bits" John - 6.63 x 10-34 Js

  104. Vote to commend the person who made the cake: Passed

  105. "Roz is sucking her sticky fingers" John - 6.63 x 10-34 Js

  106. Rachel is an ice magnet: Passed

  107. "We should have an orgy" Roz

  108. Rosy is dreaming about going up a beautiful ice encrusted mountain, silhouetted against the pink hued evening sky. Suddenly she sees a knight riding swiftly towards her on his black stallion, he pulls up close beside her, takes his helmet off, and it's Neil! And he gives her a pint of water. But she collapses in astonishment.

  109. John - 6.63 x 10-34 Js' shower is full of holy water

  110. Alison is trying not to score with John - 6.63 x 10-34 Js as she dissolves in holy water.

  111. John - 6.63 x 10-34 Js strokes Neil without a second thought. He enjoys being taken at a disadvantage.

  112. Ben is lighter than an ordinary chocolate. Chocolate is very heavy indeed.

  113. "Girls should stick together"

  114. The fellows at Pembroke have a special carpet. Does it fly?

  115. Dunstan is doing very well tonight. First Richard, now Rob.

  116. "I don't want you to die, I might want you to writhe in agony, but I don't want you to die" Roz to Martin (on his accusation that she was trying to poison him with birthday cake)

  117. Dunstan has more than one member (good to know for threesomes).

  118. "I have the minutes and I can write whatever I like. Ultimate power! I can now start to take over the world! I am unstoppable!! Unstop..."(Roz takes the minutes back again)

  119. Alison won't resist if Martin makes advances.

  120. "I like people in the distant past, who are dead", Roz, "dead people are like e-mail".

  121. "We could get cosier" Alison to Martin. "I'll try not to rip your dress off" Martin to Alison. "I'm not wearing a dress", Alison to Martin. "We're not going to start stripping already, are we?" Roz

  122. "Owen, get one out for me as well", Roz.

  123. Rosie and Roz are perfect 69 partners as they are the same height. They should do something about it at some point: Passed

  124. We play cards. Not strip cards. Just normal cards. Mainly because cards don't wear clothes in the first place.

  125. Owen's cufflinks. It really isn't a yellow wig.

  126. "Don't sit on the teapot", Martin

  127. As Martin doesn't have to write these up, he doesn't care if I write pointless minutes to use up space. (But I care, I have to work tomorrow and can't go to bed until they're finished- Roz)

  128. "Never take a stranger's advice,
    Never let a friend hurt you thrice,
    Because everyone plays the game..." Ben, whilst contemplating mortality.

  129. "Hello, this is my first ever minute".

  130. Mao: Penalties for,

  131. We are having fun: Passed

  132. Andrew is, in fact, a megalomaniac. He is missing his minions.

  133. "I didn't know people wore braces under their black tie, how exciting" Rosie.

  134. Votes to phone Claire's "friend" and tell "her" to go to bed: Passed

  135. Roz isn't sure whether Rob's problems are specific to 2 o'clock in the morning

  136. Ben will only be Roz's slave if she has the chains and the leather...

  137. "Claire's got a boyfriend, Claire's got a boyfriend". Ben tries to guess his name.

  138. Rob stops the game to tell us about Solon the law-giver's wife's friend's kid.

  139. 144 is Rosie's bus route

  140. "Let's not do anything requiring brainwork", Ben, "Let's all talk to Ben", Andrew.

  141. Votes to close: Passed (For: 5, Against: 1, Abstentions:0)

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